During my first year as a lead teacher of 2- and 3-year-olds, I struggled with children’s frustrations about toileting. As is common in many early childhood programs, the one where I teach requires children to be potty trained when they enroll. As the year progressed and children became more attuned to their bodies, they would get upset when they had toileting accidents. Tears, resistance, and refusals were common as I helped them clean up and put on fresh clothes. I often found myself desiring more empathy in what I said and did in response to their feelings and behaviors. 

In these moments, I began wondering how to incorporate more positive words and actions as I guided children toward mastering toilet learning. After all, research has shown that the way educators handle children’s toileting accidents can affect the way children react (CDE, n.d.). I wanted children to feel safe, nurtured, and loved as they developed a positive relationship with their bodies and bodily functions. How could I best support them as they learned to use the toilet? 

As I moved through my first year, I realized that toileting is a big part of the curriculum with very young children. I also realized that it is closely tied to the relationships children have with their bodies, their teachers, and their peers. I began gathering information and resources that would help me support children to learn about and respond to their bodies’ cues during the elimination process. These included Illuminating Care: The Pedagogy and Practice of Care in Early Childhood Communities, by Carol Garboden Murray, and From Teaching to Thinking: A Pedagogy for Reimagining our Work, by Ann Pelo and Margie Carter. I began to think about how to address children with empathy when they didn’t make it to the toilet. And I started choosing books to read, creating games to play, and making up songs to sing when children needed support in changing their clothes or going to the bathroom. 

No More “Accidents” 

I teach in a large, urban, full-day program that serves working families in San Francisco. As my second year of teaching toddlers began, I talked with my two coteachers about my experiences the previous year and the insights I had gained. We collaboratively decided to pay attention to the language we used with the 16 children in our setting and remove the word accident from our classroom. We were curious about how this might help children to feel secure, supported, and proud as they tuned into their bodies’ toileting needs. During our weekly team meetings, we talked about what language to use instead. We landed on simply describing what we noticed: “Your pants are wet,” or “It looks like you peed.” 

We shared this new approach with families at our back-to-school night. It’s important to involve families in these kinds of discussions because toilet training varies across cultures (Howard 2017). Conversations must be ongoing to ensure cultural responsiveness (Cagliani 2023) and to deepen home-to-school connections. We hoped families would spend time reflecting on the power of language in their contexts and its importance in supporting children to build positive relationships with their bodies, including during toilet learning. 

In addition to changing the language in our classroom, we introduced books and materials to support children’s developing toileting skills and body awareness. Some of our favorites were Bodies Are Cool, by Tyler Feder, and Your Whole Body, by Lizzie DeYoung Charbonneau. I made up songs about bodies when children had difficulty going to the bathroom. These tunes reminded them that all bodies need to pee and poop so that they feel better. We also spent time exploring the digestive system and how the body makes poop, and we learned more about where our bodily fluids go when we flush the toilet. This inquiry into the sewer system of San Francisco led to some interesting discoveries about the tunnels in the city, including who maintains them, where the water goes, and the fact that their walls are a canvas for many local artists. 

When children didn’t make it to the toilet on time, our team engaged in tender conversations as we helped them change into dry clothes. We reassured them that learning to use the toilet takes time and gets easier the more they pay attention to their bodily sensations. As we worked with the children in this new way, we noticed fewer meltdowns when they soiled themselves. They were more cooperative about changing clothes because we all knew that “pee happens.” Other children began offering encouraging words and reveling in the amazing things that human bodies can do. 

The Power of Language 

Throughout this inquiry into the language we used around the potty, I discovered that removing the word accident offered children a chance to learn about their bodies’ systems in calm and encouraging ways. Conversations about toileting and bodily functions flowed naturally as our teaching team approached children’s questions and curiosities with care and consideration. For the teachers, it also confirmed how powerful language can be in our work. Making time to reflect on the words we used around toileting gave us the space to create a classroom that empowered young children to feel capable and confident. Making potty pedagogy a central focus of our classroom curriculum invited children to take the time they needed to practice listening to and developing a positive relationship with their bodies.

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References

Cagliani, R. 2023. “An Evidence-Based Guide to Toilet Training in the Early Childhood Classroom.” Young Exceptional Children 26 (4): 207–19. 

CED (California Department of Education). n.d. “California Great Start Developmentally Appropriate Toileting Practices Toolkit: Supporting All Children from Preschool through 3rd Grade.” Developmentally Appropriate Toileting Practices Toolkit-Final.pdf. 

Howard, J. 2017. “How the World Potty Trains.” CNN Health. Updated Nov. 8, 2017. cnn.com/2017/10/31/health/potty-training-parenting-without-borders-explainer.